By Dennis Powell, e-Management
A few years ago I started a new job without knowing one of my new colleagues wanted the vacant position for which I was filling. She felt strongly the company should have hired from within rather bringing me on, a complete outsider in her mind. Needless to say, conflict became reality fairly quickly. She did everything she could to get under my skin: being late for my meetings; not completing her assignments on time; and conjuring up falsehoods about me.
Did you know that according to some surveys, managers spend up to 40% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts? How does your workplace deal with discord?
I had to do something. Quickly! Then I remembered my conflict resolution training from work for a Washington, D.C. government educational program. Just so that we are all on the same page, “conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of social conflict,” according to Wikipedia. The training I learned stressed the importance of being flexible, open to criticism, and modifying one’s own communication style using non-threatening and nonjudgmental language among other methods for diffusing conflict. Those techniques worked and my relationship with my colleague improved tremendously. In fact, once she realized I was on her side, her work products became exceptional. She would eventually leave the company but before she left she said it was a great feeling knowing that workplace conflict can be resolved when it is a priority. Amen!
It’s a Jungle Out There.
That’s not an understatement! In reality, not every conflict in the workplace ends on a positive note. In fact, I can give you countless stories from former colleagues and friends of lawsuits, physical altercations, and inappropriate conversations that were the results of extreme conflict brewing among coworkers. I am talking about reality TV-styled brawls. Still, conflict resolution tactics can bring calm to otherwise stressful situations. e-Management believes in an enjoyable and respectful work environment and has compiled a list of conflict resolutions tools that may be useful in your professional or social environments.
Tips to Help You Keep it Together and Keep it Moving when Conflict Strikes
Find the right place and find a mediator. The Office of Human Resource Development (OHRD), University of Wisconsin-Madison, says it is important bring all parties involved in conflict to a safe place with ground rules, which are clearly communicated and accepted. Setting limits on how long the negotiations will take will help to facilitate a fair/neutral environment. There should also be “support people” in the roles of facilitator, advocates, or mediators. Ask your human capital/human resource (HR) specialist to help assist in determining the best place, mediator, and roles during negotiations.
Be flexible. Conflict is not only about your feelings. It’s about everyone who is involved. Try to enter the conversation without the impulse to rush to judgment. This may be difficult for some; however, it will show your willingness to resolve the conflict.
Be honest with yourself. It is important that you are willing to accept uncomfortable truths about yourself before you can be open to resolving conflict with someone in your life. OHRD says you should have a good understanding of your triggers—the things that seem to set you off like a firecracker. Additionally, try to be aware of your biases. One way to get an honest appraisal of your triggers and biases is to ask close family or friends who have your best interest at heart.
Be sure to listen with your ears, rather than your mouth. In other words, getting to a place of resolution when you have issues with someone may require that you listen to understand their points of view. Didax.com, an online resource for educators, offers practical tips for listening in its Conflict Resolution Book 3, including keeping eye contact with the person who is talking. It is also important to listen without interrupting the speaker. You should always resist the urge to offer advice unless it is asked. Use questions to get to a better understanding of the other persons’ points of view. Remember to paraphrase/repeat what you think you heard. Always remember to keep body gestures and facial expressions positive or neutral rather than aggressive or threatening.
Draft a “peace treaty” and stick to it! At the conclusion of the good-faith negotiation between you and the person(s) with whom you are in conflict, you should come to an official agreement with milestones and dates for follow-up. Face to Face: Resolving Conflict Without Giving In or Giving Up (National Association for Community Mediation), a training manual for the Corporation for National and Community Service, recommends coming to an agreement that is the result of brainstorming solution sessions and determining if those ideas and expected outcomes are fair, specific, and realistic.
Conflict and You.
Certainly conflict is all around us. It’s in our relationships. It’s in our communities. It’s in our workplace. We’ve listed only a few techniques designed to diffuse or resolve conflict. Now, we’d love to hear from you. (1) Have you ever had to deal with conflict in professional or social environments? If so, (2) what techniques did you use to get closure? (3) Would you recommend any other methods to resolve conflict? We look forward to your recommendations and comments.
As always, thank you for supporting our blog and sharing it with your social networks (e.g., Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Twitter).
